Mother denied all access to children; this is really scary
I read in the Sunday Times yesterday about the ex-wife of a rich city financier that was banned from seeing her young children for three years. She was found to have been turning them against their father. The woman was so distraught that she has continually tried to keep contact with her boys (she was arrested for telling her son she loved him) and even posted a video on the internet about her plight. She is due in court because of that too.
I know that where there is smoke there is fire, and that woman probably needs to attend a few parenting classes to say the least.
But come on. Are we on our way to becoming draconian society where the courts dictate how parents raise their children? How many divorcees do you know that hate their exs and do not try to hide it. Should we throw them all in jail? (Don’t get me wrong, I think it is very damaging to use children like pawns in divorce). But where will this stop? What’s scary is that this ruling can be used as a precedent for other cases.
It also makes me wonder … We are only privy to this information because the family court system just opened up to the media a few weeks ago. How many other cases like this exist?
Johnny Buller | 18th Jun 10
It’s amazing how much press is generated when this happens to a woman.Men have to endure this kind of treatment from ex-wives and the courts everyday, the presumption being that “mother knows best.”
Harry | 17th May 09
Good to see fathers being looked after by the justice system for a change. Being a mother doesn’t necessarily grant someone sainthood status. I don’t feel the need to bond with fathers who do wrong just because they are men.
Jill Appleton | 14th May 09
I was horrified when I read this in the paper. What about the children? They’ve both said they want to see their mum. I find the whole story heartbreaking.
I’m a single mum, following a nasty divorce. My daughter has often said awful things about her dad and his new wife, and I am not happy about the choices they have made for my daughter, but I would never try to stop the contact.
Lisa | 13th May 09
How sad indeed. I can see if someone abused her children, but come on. Of course, as others have pointed out, not sure of all the details but it does sound scary!
BoozleBox | 12th May 09
I read this too and was saddened by it. Without knowing the whole story it’s difficult but it seems to me that no-one benefits by denying the mother any access. I mean can you imagine a court telling you that you could no longer see your children? I’d be stalking them in the street too if I had no other course open to me. Surely the father is rich and could pay for strictly supervised visits so that they could at least see their mother? And yet. One of my friends exes is completely and utterly out of touch with reality. She left him for another man despite him being willing to try counselling etc. Recently his son had to write something for school about his background and he wrote his father had left his mum for another woman. When he spoke to his son about this version of events, it turns out she’s completely re-written history and has told their children he had an affair and left her! She plagues his new wife with abusive text messages even now, seven years after the separation. They’ve had to take legal steps to stop her harrassing them. Even so, they would never deny her access but she is definitely damagaging the children. Their only hope is that when the children are older they will see her behaviour for what it is.
Maternal Tales | 12th May 09
This is horrible – and I agree with Iota – I’ve made two trips to A&E in the past month because the children have had accidents at home and then another trip to the doctors because one has fallen over and banged her head at school and was feeling super-unwell and it got me wondering about how many times it would happen before social services were called!! There’s also the case about the woman married to an Egyptian man and had an alleged affair and had her two children taken from her. I saw footage of this on the news and totally bawled my eyes out. Anything to do with a Mother being separated from her children makes me well up. Not nice at all…
KindaSassy | 12th May 09
When I was a minister with a church, I often had to accompany children on home visits because they had been taken into the foster system, often for years.
I worked with one family who were innocent of all crimes except going to the police to say that they thought their daugther had been molested. The Child Protection Society said they hadnt protected her enough and took her away. The kicker? It was a family member that had molested their daugther at a family event (wedding, Christmas or the like);the girl told the social workers (and me) time after time who did it, but the social worker on the case was SURE that the girl was covering up for her daddy.
And yet, as a social worker myself, I have been in the position of having to report a family that resulted in children being taken away.
Its never easy.
Toni | 12th May 09
OMG what in the world is society coming too. Pretty soon you aren’t going to be able to tell your children NO without getting a ticket for it.
Iota | 11th May 09
Do you remember the case of Sally Clark, who was imprisoned when she lost two babies to SIDS? I thought that was the saddest thing ever.
Iota | 11th May 09
This kind of thing creates such anxiety and nervousness. Who, as a parent, hasn’t been nervous when they have to take their child to A&E for a genuine injury, or worried when their child has told them some jokey thing they told their teacher about their family life? But it’s no wonder we’re anxious, when courts have such power to intervene in family life.
Margarita | 11th May 09
Very odd and weird. And scary. Thanks for sharing it, though.
carol b | 11th May 09
I read it too, and as well as all of the above, I wondered what impact the courts imagine the three year ban would have on the children? not sure of their ages but at any age three years is a long time, what do they imagine will happen after that?
A Modern Mother | 11th May 09
Too2may – I don’t undertsand the over-indulgent ruling either.
Antonella — Wow, really. I hadn’t focused on the family courts before but this is a real eye opener.
Potty – truly.
Potty Mummy | 11th May 09
This is horrific.
Antonella | 11th May 09
Don’t get me started on this. I do not have any faith or trust in the British care system. I’ve met too many unfit foster families who had/have children just because they can get up to £18.000 extra a year for fostering a child! And on the other hand they take away children from a parent just because he/she’s allegedly set them against the other parent. It isn’t always true that where there’s smoke there’s fire. A few years ago there was a very prominent case where a woman lawyer wes thrown into prison and couldn’t see her daughters for 6 years until her husband managed to ptove that both kids suffered from a form of bone disease for which they would bruise easily. Although (and was alleged because of the fact that) she was a laywer, she was taken as a scapegoat by the care system. She and her husband lost all their possessions and ran into debts to pay for the legal costs and fight for their rights. Think about not seeing your kids for 6 years and being innocent. And then real bad parents with a history of violence and neglect slip through the net and nobody really cares. See, you got me started!!Ciao. A.
TooManyHats | 11th May 09
First, she needs a much better lawyer. Second, she was judged to be over-indulgent? Is that a crime in your country? She tried to make herself always available to her children and this has harmed them? I am sure we do not have all the facts, but to me this seems way over the top.
A Modern Mother | 11th May 09
Yes, very sad. I am sure there is more to it than the article reveals. It does hint that she is a physical threat…
SingleParentDad | 11th May 09
I read that too. And was thinking similar. This woman was jailed too wasn’t she? Can’t imagine, nor want to, what lengths must have been gone to for such rulings to be warranted.
The only thing that is obvious from it, is this is a very, very, sad situation.
Child protection is a very sticky area, and one that there is probably too much emphasis on the state in this country, and not enough on the parents’ – infinitely more important – role. We expect miracles from them, and there is terrible anger when they interfere too much, or, at the other end, not enough.