There’s something funny in the toilet mummy
Alexandra (5) shot into my room last night; it was getting close to 9.30. She does this most evenings — her main aim to get an extra cuddle (which I’m all too happy to provide).
“Mummy, come look. There’s something funny in the toilet!” Her blue eyes were quizzical instead of the usual pleading. I couldn’t help but smile at this new approach, she generally comes in saying she is thirsty and needs a glass of water or that she saw a big spider on the ceiling.
“Come ON mummy. It looks like a bag with blood on it.”
I decided I’d better get off my big bottom and take a look. It’s, ahem, that time of the month (I’m whispering that last bit).
I took a quick look and yes mummy had forgotten to flush the toilet.
“That OK honey, don’t worry about it,” and we both watched the tampon roll round and round in the porcelain bowl until it finally whooshed away.
Then Alexandra looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said she was tired…. and thankfully I can postpone my discussion about bloody bags to another time.
Photo credit: littlemonkeybutt
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I psyched myself up and launched into to this big elaborate explanation of how it’s Mummy’s body’s way of clearing stuff out that it doesn’t need, etc. He waited until I’d finished, blinked, pointed to a dead spider just along from the tampon and said ‘no, I meant that’.
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There is only one mother, and this wording makes me soften and thank God for my mom. Good blog thanks for sharing.
Top 10 Cigars | 20th Jan 10
These stories are hilarious. I do not have any stories to share yet, as my daughter is too young.. but I’m sure I will. I hear that you are just supposed to answer the exact question that they have and not go any further than that. That’s what I’m going to try!
-Sylvia
My Bambino | 12th Jan 10
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
Aly | 17th Oct 09
How funny! I’m not looking forward to ‘the talk’ either.Bless!
Ellen | 13th Oct 09
Oh God. That is so embaressing but has made me think, Ben likes to follow me to the toilet. When the benefit of breastfeeding wears off we are going to have some interesting conversations in our house!
Sparx | 12th Oct 09
Oh my! Well as always you handled it very sensibly!
Treemama | 11th Oct 09
Hah! Been caught more than once! My girls though know most about it. They are with me so darn much in the bathroom they may as well. The girls have their own bathroom but prefer mine for whatever insane reason.
My favorite though is when Ems told me she didn’t want to use “Coupons” though and I thought she was tired of my frugalness, then after more prodding I realized she was referring to more personal matters.
You got off easy on this one friend!
Paradiselostintranslation | 9th Oct 09
We have just come back from taking some UK visitors into the mountains here in Albania. VERY REMOTE. I have also seemingly hit an early menopause having not had a period for 6 mths. Imagine my surprise therefore when 2 days into our holiday & hours from the nearest shop, I suddenly ‘started’, and as’luck’ wd have it the wife of the childless couple we were with ALSO had hit an early menopause at 35. SO neither of us had anything on us. I didn’t know what to do until ingenuity & desperation prompted me to get out a spare nappy of my daughter’s (1st time I’ve thanked God that she was still wet at night) and my Swiss Amry penknife (with scissors) and proceeded to cut up the nappy. My daughter asked what I was doing in rather shocked tones. I explained I was making something I’d designed in my head & it was a secret, but that maybe one day soon I would tell her. Amazingly she nodded and wandered off.
It just about worked until we got back to civilisation, but boy am I glad I live in the era of tampons & don’t have to resort to ‘reuseable rags’ as they did in the past.
babieswhobrunch | 8th Oct 09
Am really enjoying the major side effect of prolonged breastfeeding, I must admit….
Rosie Scribble | 8th Oct 09
A word of warning. I did something far more embarrassing on the in a similar vein. I managed to block the entire drainage system of the house by flushing tampons down the toilet. So it was my Dad who was the one asking me what all the things with strings stuck in the drain were. The most embarrassing moment of my life. Cost a fortune to sort out. Had to be done professionally.
New Mummy | 8th Oct 09
When my youngest sister was about 4 she had managed to put a towel in her knickers! She walked in the living room telling us she was a big girl now!
Iota | 8th Oct 09
Love Sally’s comment about flea!
Maybe you should’ve directed Alexandra here:
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/
While we’re on the subject, I once saw a video on one of those “funny home videos” tv shows. A couple of small children had come across a packet of ultra-thin sanitary towels, and thought they were window stickers. The sitting room windows were covered in the things.
I have – in very vague terms – told my kids about periods from a young age, if they’ve seen products and asked about them. Trouble is, it sounds so unbelievably weird. The ‘once a month’ element makes women sound like werewolves, and of course children associate blood with injury and pain. It’s a tough story to sell.
A Modern Mother | 8th Oct 09
You guys are killing me here, keep the stories coming…
Insomniac Mummy | 8th Oct 09
*Cringe*
I once caught Big E chewing on a (brand new wrapped up I hasten to add) tampon he’d pilfered from my bag.
Nice.
angelsandurchinsblog | 8th Oct 09
And did I ever tell you about the time a tampon (unused but unfurled) whacked a check out girl on the head as it was flung out of my handbag while I was rattling around trying to find my wallet? Didn’t shop there for ages after ‘tampongate’.
Mwa | 8th Oct 09
I had that conversation with my son when he was four, and he was fine. “Women bleed sometimes from where we have babies. That’s like our plaster.” He was fine and off he went. No further questions.
blueviolet | 8th Oct 09
I can’t believe that she didn’t push the conversation any further. You’re lucky!
Expat Mum | 8th Oct 09
Only yesterday I absent-mindedly reached into my bag for a little pad of paper I keep in the pocket. Next thing I know I’m standing, pen poised, ready to write on a panty liner! Agh!
TooManyHats | 8th Oct 09
Yikes – not the time to forget to flush. You got lucky not having to explain.
A Modern Mother | 8th Oct 09
All your comments are better than my post! I was laughing as I read these on the train today, and I think the men in dark suits thought I was mad…
whistlejacket | 8th Oct 09
Oh no cringe! I remember doing the same when I was little, only I asked my dad because mum was out! He replied it was ‘something to do with mum’ (he must have been horrified). And for years I wondered what it could have been until I fully realised myself!
Natalie | 8th Oct 09
Very funny! I love those cringe moments! A few months back the bambino presented me with my old diaphragm…on her head…like a skull cap…
Maternal Tales | 8th Oct 09
Hee hee. Yep, my children have been known to play with them, or take them out of my bag whilst in company and wave them around. But they do know what they are – they call them mice – Mummy have you got your mice in??!!
Brit in Bosnia | 8th Oct 09
@josie and @sally
my delightful husband has told my boys that I hide sweets in my tampon boxes. It is now impossible for a quiet moment to insert them in peace, for the boys have the hearing of foxes when it comes to the unwrapping of what they think are sweeties.
I’ve been meaning to write a post about that for ages. Will have to do so now!
I’m still thinking up what my revenge on Dave is going to be…
Sally | 8th Oct 09
Yes, we used to think the little blue boxes were sweets that Mum sneaked to herself at bath time!
Flea sort of knows what a tampon is. Or so I thought. Then her friend Max came round for a playdate and I heard Flea explaining: “Well, you unwrap it and stick it up your bottom and then that means you’re a grown up.”
Josie @Sleep is for the Week | 8th Oct 09
Ouch!
I think that’s one for Linda Jones’ embarrassing mum moments!
I used to be fascinated by the little blue tampon box in my mum’s bag. It always looked so mysterious. I was convinced she was hiding sweets in there…
angelsandurchinsblog | 8th Oct 09
Imagine what it’s going to be like in a few years time when they won’t be able to speak to you for the shame of it all! Which poses an interesting questions, when does one start to talk about all of ‘that stuff’? I feel I learnt by osmosis, which can’t be true.
Catharine Withenay | 8th Oct 09
I found my daughter and her friend sat outside on the bench in the garden, happily chatting together with their dolls and prams. That was fine, but then I saw that they were playing with a couple of sanitary towels they must have picked up from the bathroom.
I guess they make great nappies?
Hot Cross Mum | 8th Oct 09
Oh god – that’s nasty! I have the horrors about such things. My 2 yr old once presented me with a tampon and liner which he’d got from my bag – he thrust them upon me when in the middle of a toddler group mum-chat saying ‘What dat mammy?”. Nice. 🙂
English Mum | 8th Oct 09
Ohhh dear. I remember when mine were younger, there was a tampon (in its wrapper) that I’d dropped on the bathroom floor. I was in the bath, and my oldest came in and said ‘what’s that?’ pointing at the floor.
I psyched myself up and launched into to this big elaborate explanation of how it’s Mummy’s body’s way of clearing stuff out that it doesn’t need, etc. He waited until I’d finished, blinked, pointed to a dead spider just along from the tampon and said ‘no, I meant that’.
Oh.
TheMadHouse | 8th Oct 09
Hmm I thankfully have boys and no longer have the dreaded time of the month, but I too love that last cuddle of the night.
Tim | 8th Oct 09
Well, it could’ve been worse. I took my shirt off to have a shower the other day only to find that Charlie had – helpfully – put my shirt down the lavatory! Goes with the general trend of putting things for the was at present…http://bringingupcharlie.blogspot.com/2009/10/car-wash.html