Playdate nightmares: When getting together with a friend goes horribly wrong
We’ve all had them: the playdate that goes horribly wrong. Mine was about a year ago … and it’s just now that I feel I can post about it. Thinking about it still makes me cringe, and it wasn’t even at my home!
Emily (then 6) and her best friend Lola ambushed me one day after school last Autumn while I was trying to make sense of the steady stream of backpacks, book bags, coats, lunch boxes and god knows what else that was being put in my hands…
“Can I pleeeaazzee go to Lola’s house?” It was Tuesday and I knew that Tuesdays were not good for Lola’s mum. She worked part-time and had managed to cobble together a childcare arrangement where her father picked up Lola and her twin sister from school and took them to kumon, and then the girls’ granny came over and served them tea. Apparently granddad can’t cook.
I looked at the two girls doubtfully as I stuffed jackets into the backpacks and tried to find a place to put the still-wet art project. “I’m sure Lola’s granddad would not appreciate that,” I said as I hurried them along, I needed to pick up HM from preschool, which was just down the road.
“No, it’s OK. We asked. Pleeeaazzee!” they both pleaded in unison. Just then granddad appeared and confirmed it was OK and Emily could tag along to kumon with them and have tea and could I please pick her up at six.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, how hard can three little girls be?”
I should have just politely declined.
We got a call at 5.15 from Lola’s mum asking if we could please pick up Emily. She sounded, erm, a but stressed. I sent hubby along as I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be good.
Hubby came back with Emily 45 minutes later and thanked me for sending him there and asked why I didn’t warn him he was being sent to death row.
Apparently kumon was a disaster — the teacher was flustered there was an extra child there and granddad had to fork over an extra £5 for her to attend and three girls did turn out to be a bit too much for granddad (and granny) who burned the chips and fish fingers. They were all so flustered mum came home early. She gave my poor hubby an earful.
The morale of the story — Never, EVER, accept a playdate unless the mother (or main carer) has agreed.
So ladies (and the two dads that read this blog), what’s your worst playdate nightmare?
Photo credit
Warning! Your Child with ADHD May Benefit from a Play Date (Part 2) | 23rd Apr 14
[…] social skills will improve. When you just don’t think you can plan another play date, read Playdate nightmares: When getting together with a friend goes wrong. The post and the readers’ comments will let you know that you are not alone. Soon, you may […]
discount coach | 1st Jul 10
Faced with a hard and demanding task, people’s attitude varies widely: some try to avoid it and others regard it as a challenge to their abilities. In fact the choice we make between flight or fight make the difference between leaders and mediocrities.
Danette | 29th May 10
Loved the laugh about play dates. Referenced this post on my blog:
http://sos-research-blog.com/05/warning-your-child-with-adhd-may-benefit-from-a-playdate-part-2/
Thanks!
Heather Davis | 16th Mar 10
When my son was 6ish, his best friend and him were pretty wild when together. It was spring and all our daffodils and tulips had just come up. They ran around the garden with sticks lobbing off all the heads of the flowers. A garden was just rows of stems! Needless to say said child was banned from our house for some time after that by furious OH.
A Modern Mother | 31st Oct 09
Tree –yes they can be a nightmare! But also a godsend if they go well.
Treemama | 27th Oct 09
Exactly why we don’t have them. They scare the hell out of me!!!
Dear God, we’ve only had cousins over wrecking the house.
clareybabble | 26th Oct 09
Have mostly had good playdates, although I have now learnt not to let S upstairs with his friends (puzzles tipped out everywhere, takes hours to put them all in the right boxes). His favourite thing to do at other people’s houses is to strip off or empty out every single toy! That said, if they have a PC, he’s quite content to sit and play on that, with or without the parent’s approval!!
A Modern Mother | 26th Oct 09
Brit — curious about pladates in Bosnia, do they differ, do they have them?
Brit in Bosnia | 26th Oct 09
I’m missing playdates. We haven’t really got any to organise with. But, then again, having read some of the horror stories I’m glad that we are not in the zone. 5 year olds with a mobile??!!!
A Modern Mother | 26th Oct 09
Expat — what a nightmare, and has he been back?
Expat Mum | 26th Oct 09
My little guy has a friend over last year who was either a brat or in a really bad mood. He wouldn’t eat the lunch I made, even though I gave him exactly what he wanted. Then he kept throwing open my pantry door to find if I had “anything decent” to eat! He then proceeded to tell me that it was “the worst playdate ever”, and that he wanted to go home. I would gladly have taken him but I knew his mother was at the dentist’s. I must admit, I gave up trying to appease him and stopped caring about what he would tell his mother.
And the worse thing was that when she asked me how things had gone, I wimped out and said “fine”.
A Modern Mother | 25th Oct 09
Whistle — oh, yes, that is not good. Thank god we’re past that stage… (I hope)
Roise — OMG — 8 hours later??!! I hope she paid you. That is outrageous!
Rosie Scribble | 25th Oct 09
My daughter hasn’t really been on any playdates, as yet. However, I did once make the mistake of inviting two of her friends over (both boys) to play with her while there Mum was at work. I had assumed they would be here (pulling the place apart) for a couple of hours at most. Their mother collected them eight hours later. They haven’t been invited back since, we go to theirs instead!
whistlejacket | 25th Oct 09
My eldest is very bossy and likes encouraging his friends to take their clothes off (he undresses too) which isn’t great. The most cringeworthy occasion was when we were at a friends’ house and my son was playing with their daughter underneath her upturned swimming pool – they called it their ‘den’. After a few minutes their daughter emerged from the den saying ‘mummy I don’t want to play in my den any more’. And then our son appeared from underneath the paddling pool, completely naked. He was only 3.5 but I still very embarrassed.
A Modern Mother | 25th Oct 09
Iota — ooopps
Mwa — oh my
Working Mum — a 5-yr-old with a mobile phone, I’m stunned!
working mum | 25th Oct 09
Note to self – always check with parent!
I haven’t had many playdates yet, but last summer’s with the girl from down the road (which I blogged about)was a little bizarre as she (aged 5) announced Thomas the Tank Engine was babyish (my daughter has a T the TE bedroom), pulled out her mobile phone (yes, really) and then said she didn’t want to play with anything. She’s not been back.
Mwa | 25th Oct 09
My worst was when a girl came over to play, and walked around the hall with only her underpants and “bra” on (the girl was five). When I asked her why, she said she didn’t want to, but my son had made her do it. He said she wanted to play Little Mermaid, and she doesn’t wear much either.
Iota | 25th Oct 09
In my early days, when my oldest was 3 or 4, and not very practised socially, and we’d just moved to a new place, I invited over a mum with her daughter of the same age. It was fine at first, but then my son started insisting that the girl do something or other (can’t remember what), and the girl didn’t want to. My son just couldn’t let it go, no matter how often I suggested other things, or tried to get involved myself (“I know, why don’t we ALL play x or y TOGETHER”). He just COULDN’T drop it. It went on and on, in a repetitive mantra. I was at an absolute loss as to what to do.
Oh, and then there was the time when I had a couple of 8 year olds over, and one of them broke his elbow, and I didn’t know. I gave it a quick rub, and sent him out to play again. (In my defence, he could wiggle his fingers and move the arm, and his crying SOUNDED really fake – although of course it was in fact genuine – and stopped very quickly.)
A Modern Mother | 25th Oct 09
We haven’t had a sleep over yet — and honestly I’m dreading it!
Lisa | 25th Oct 09
My son has a very very over-active friend. One day we invited this boy was over for a play date and he happened to be in a very foul mood(probably due to lack of sleep the night before since he had a friend sleep over).
He just didn’t want to play with my son and was downright nasty to him. He even threw a toy at my son’s head. I scolded him, and when I told him I was going to take him home, he didn’t seem to care, but my son was heartbroken.
In any case, this boy doesn’t want to come over and play at our house anymore LOL.
A Modern Mother | 25th Oct 09
Jen — oh that’s so sad!
Jen | 25th Oct 09
Well, it wasn’t awful awful but the time my daughter invited a friend for a sleepover and her friend decided to go home instead after dinner was tough on my daughter rather than me.
She was heartbroken and still (two years later) won’t invite people to sleepovers here in case it happens again.