I had an embarassing moment at the school gate yesterday…
Alexandra’s teacher, a woman that has been at the school longer than the school gate itself, pulled me aside yesterday after she had delivered all the children to their rightful owners.
Her grey eyes locked with mine and she quietly but sternly asked if we could please encourage Alexandra to use another word instead of potty.
“Some of the other children are starting to notice,” she said, “and they are starting to say things.”
Even though it was an almost freezing +1C, I could feel my whole body get hot, and my new wooly purple knit scarf I got in the sales felt like a noose around my neck.
I wanted to deny it. Maybe I could pull it off. Of course we don’t say potty, that’s so childish. We used that word when they were little but now we use more appropriate language.
But that was not possible. This woman spends large amounts of time with my child. She knew. Yes, we said potty at home. Sorry, it’s stems from my yankee roots.
“Maybe you could use the word toilet or loo at home,” her face softened, and she put her finger to the side of her nose. Did she just wink at me?
“Yes, of course,” I said still red, and wondering what other inappropriate language she thought we used at home. She probably also thought that we used words like boo boo, wee wee and poo poo (we do).
“Thanks’ she smiled, and I could tell she had Alexandra’s best interests in mind and her good intentions melted my embarrassment.
So on the way home we all had a talk and decided on “loo,” which is much more posh than “toilet”.
However, I’m dreading the poo poo talk.
Photo credit: Tim Neblitt
Almost American | 25th Jan 09
The teacher was definitely acting in your kid’s best interests in telling you, because as other people have already said the other kids probably were thinking that she hadn’t yet graduated from using a plastic potty to using the toilet.
I used to have a very elegant and otherwise classy colleague who always referred to “going to the john”. I always cringed when she said that!
Coding Mamma | 20th Jan 09
It’s only re-reading and reading the comments to this that I realise that potty is what would be used in America (right?). I thought she was concerned that your daughter wanted to use the potty instead of the toilet. Language is a strange thing.
I agree with some others about the importance of helping children to understand cultural diversity and linguistic differences, where possible, though this one clearly could lead to a fair bit of teasing, so the teacher was probably acting for the best.
Jo Beaufoix | 19th Jan 09
Part of me is all annoyed as I think it could be a fuss over nothing, but I get the feeling you believe she had your little one’s best interests at heart and in the end that’s what matters. We use loo, toilet or just the common or garden “Do you need a wee” and that seems to work ok, but my kid is currently obsessed with the word ‘trump’. Maybe they’ll have a few words with me about that, hee hee.
Bee | 17th Jan 09
A little more on this subject: apropos of nothing, youngest daughter mentioned yesterday that her Form Tutor insists that they refer to the potty as the “lavatory.” I told my husband this and he laughed and said that it was so they wouldn’t be embarrassed if they met the Queen!
More than a Mother | 16th Jan 09
You have an award 🙂
http://morethanjustamother.blogspot.com/2009/01/proximity-and-pelvic-floors.html
Audrey | 16th Jan 09
While it was nice of the teacher to try and preempt any teasing I think it’s also a bit silly that she couldn’t handle that directly with your child in the classroom.
Tammy’s comment about the opposite direction and using the word “rubber” made me giggle.
Beta Mum | 15th Jan 09
I have a friend who insists her children say “loo” (or anything other than “toilet”) at home as she thinks “toilet” is common.
But they have to say “toilet” at school as school thinks “loo” is rude.
I just wish mine would embrace wiping their owm bums…
Joanne | 15th Jan 09
The word “loo” (or one theory for it) comes from the french gardyloo (regardez l’eau) that people would shout from their windows as they emptied their chamber pots.
I’ve heard much worse when I was helping in infant school – one little boy said “I’m going for a slash”, his dad had taught him that…..
We use “loo” at home but for whatever reason, and it could well be the teachers’ influence, daughter no.2 says “toilet” at school.
Bee | 15th Jan 09
I had to laugh at JAPRA’S comment. I cannot stand the word “toilet.” It sounds slightly obscene to me. I always say “bathroom,” which husband insists is usually a misnomer (as there is no bath in it).
Surely that teacher has other more important things to worry about? Sheesh.
Potty Mummy | 15th Jan 09
Oh yes, the Potty word. Such an innocent one, I thought, when I chose it for both my blog name and sign on… But no. Fraught with danger and misunderstanding, it seems. I think you’re right Modern Mother; tempting as it is to go with Single Parent Dad’s plan, your daughter’s teacher probably has a pretty good idea of when things might get a child into sticky situation. ‘Loo’ all the way then – now I just have to get round to having the same conversation with my two boys…
anna colette | 15th Jan 09
Goodness, I’ve heard tales of kids saying far worse things at school!
Maybe she can take a stand and be proud of her American vocabulary? There’s nothing like confidence to fend off any potential teasing…
Expat Mum | 14th Jan 09
Yes, you could write a book about it. 🙂
Tammy | 14th Jan 09
I have had the opposite experience! Our three years in England developed our now 5 year ld into a little Brit. So, when we returned to the States (Kentucky, of all places) and she started kindergarten, I had to go in and explain some of the ‘different’ words and phrases they would hear coming outof her little British mouth. thought covered them all, heche for H, toilet (which I hated), bin for garbage can, Wellies, …. It was not until after our first semester conference that I had forgotten a BIG one. Teacher was concerned about Emma asking for a rubber!!! Opps, guess I should have mentioned that an eraser is called a rubber!!
Gotta love the battle between the ‘Englishes’
Tammy
Susanna (A Modern Mother) | 14th Jan 09
Thanks for all the input.
Some food for thought … my view was that the reception teacher was proactive in a potential teasing situation, which I admired.
And yes, it would be great if they embraced cultural diversity and let potty be acceptable language… (this is a state school we are talking about, for better or worse I don’t have high expectations, I just don’t want her to be bullied).
And Felcia, a loo is a toilet, but I had to smile as it gives the ditty “skip to my lou” new meaning…
Felicia | 14th Jan 09
What is the big deal with the word potty. My son is 5 months old an now I have to think of other words to use instead of potty. I’m with singleparentdad. Let them know that they are obviously not accepting of diversity and cultural differences. What is loo? So the song skip to my loo (sp) is skip to my bathroom? Gosh, I’m all confused and I’m a parent.
Iota | 14th Jan 09
I really don’t think it’s the babyishness of the word (so you needn’t worry about poo poo and wee wee). I think it’s just that the potty is a different thing in British English. The potty is NOT the toilet/loo. The potty is the small plastic receptacle that toddlers use when they are learning the whole process. So if you’re daughter is talking about the potty at school, that is what the other kids will think she means.
How about “bathroom” or “restroom”? Wouldn’t she be using that word in an American school (although perhaps not preschool)? Or is it just easier to use the English word? Probably.
More than a Mother | 14th Jan 09
I’m with Single Parent Dad; I’d be sending her off to school with a new ‘unacceptable’ word each day 😉
Tara@Sticky Fingers | 14th Jan 09
Hells bells, when I think of some of the things I hear the children in my son’s Year 1 class say I should think a child saying potty is tame!
I can’t see what’s the problem with it myself. So what I thought when I read what the teacher said.
There is a boy in my son’s class who calls it the ‘bog’ which is revolting!
Just a Plane Ride Away | 14th Jan 09
I’ve been in England almost two years and have finally gotten used to saying “toilet”, which sounds so… *not* in my vocabulary! I’m from The South where we still say “Ladies’ Room” or “Powder Room” or at least “Restroom”. I confess I still refer to it as the “potty” here at our house 😉
SingleParentDad, “The Can”! LOL!
SingleParentDad | 14th Jan 09
You could have turned it on its head, and asked why the nursery/school didn’t use this different use of language as an example of diversity, and cultural difference. There couldn’t be a sweeter, and any gentler one, than this could there?
I agree that must be confusing for the children, but that’s what learning is isn’t it?
I would start referring to the loo as The Can, see how that goes down 😉