Ever wonder what people say when you leave the room?

Women I have a board meeting Monday, remember?

Huh? As I flipped on the coffee maker Saturday morning, hubby still in PJs, I stared blankly at the coffee grounds. Erm, no I don’t remember. It really didn’t matter. This was all code of course. He wanted me to occupy the girls for a couple hours while he locked himself in the office.

So … off we went to Cafe Nero. I let the girls put on whatever they wanted — which manifested in a rainbow of pink leggings, green and yellow summer dresses and navy jumpers. I pulled on the first thing I could find — Gap curvy jeans with some sort of splotch on the leg (toothpaste? gravy?) and the gray and pink Laura Ashely jumper I've been living in all winter.

Oh well, it was still early, maybe we wouldn't run into anyone we knew.

“Hi Susanna”, it was one of the mums from the PTA. She was there with her sister. She's from somewhere Up North and had lived in the US before. She had two children. I found this all out as we waited for our cappuccinos to froth.

After they left, I couldn’t help but imagine the conversation as they walked out the door. “She’s really nice, but (in lowered tones) she writes really dodgy things about the PTA”.

A gazillion years ago, at work, I was the American on the 2nd floor.

Then after two consecutive conceptions in two years, I was the one who was pregnant. Again.

When we moved to La Jolla, I was the known as the crazy one who had three children in less than three years. I know this to be true because once I met another mother at the play park, and when I revealed that my girls were 13 months apart, she said she had heard about me.

In blogosphere, I’m known as the one who started that network.

So what do people say when you leave the room?

Photo credit: Roy Sinai

49 COMMENTS

  1. Shikha | 20th Jul 18

    I hate to think but I’d bet I wouldn’t be impressed. Just as well they’re not saying it to my face then!

  2. Carnival Time! | This Mid 30s Life | 6th Jun 14

    […] The wonderful Susanna writes at A Modern Mother and is the founder of Britmums.   She’s probably wondering why I completely forgot about the very simple carnival rules.  Did I mention she’s really smart, funny, pretty, amazing and forgiving? Anyway, Susanna raises a question I’m sure many of us think about.  Ever wonder what people say when you leave the room?  […]

  3. Baby Genie | 30th Mar 12

    Ooh not sure if my comment vanished! Was saying I’ve been debating a post called ‘what do your male friends think of you’ – too risky?!

  4. Elaine | 6th Feb 12

    I’m over from the carnival… I don’t think I register much on the list of people to talk about.

  5. Becky | 6th Feb 12

    OOh I was once married to a Texan

  6. Becky from babybudgeting | 6th Feb 12

    No Karin!!!! Gosh we all imaginge the worst don’t we!

  7. Becky | 6th Feb 12

    Over form the carnival. When I leave a room I always imaginge people to be saying gosh she s not posh at all is she. I have double barrelled name am author and have 3 degrees people always expect me to be a bit posh. I have a broad midlands accent and am from a strong working class background. Always imagine that they say i’m a bit fat for a vegetarian too

  8. Jody Brettkelly | 3rd Feb 12

    All of your behind-the-back stuff sounds good! (BTW, if I ever wrote stuff about the PTA I would be hounded out of town, tell me how you do it) I suspect noone bothers talking about me (the worst fate ever?) because I’m cynical and everything has to be positive here.

  9. Grenglish | 30th Jan 12

    Great question!
    Around town locally, they probably say ‘there goes the WI lady who writes about quilting events in the local mag’
    In the blogosphere, they’d probably say ‘who was that again?’
    At work, I am pretty sure they say ‘here she goes again with her emails about flushing the loo after using it/not leaving dirty teabags in the sink’
    If I leave the room at home, they will just assume I have gone to cook dinner/do laundry/run bath/make beds so probably would not say much at all.

  10. Karin @ Cafe Bebe | 29th Jan 12

    I suppose I am:
    1) That American blogger who bitches about the NHS far too much.
    Or
    2) That loner who doesn’t have many friends and still looks 6 months pregnant.
    Oh dear. I really hope they don’t say that! :/
    Karin

  11. Vegemitevix | 19th Mar 10

    No doubt I’m the Kiwi. In various other lives I would have been ‘the bitch’, ‘the boss’, ‘the difficult one’….
    I’ve written about who we are too on my blog, which kind of dove-tails into this. If we took away all the things that define us, who would we be?

  12. Motherhood and Anarchy | 18th Mar 10

    In Kyrgyzstan I was know as the one “who went to Toddler Group before she even had a baby” – I thought it was a good way to get to know people and learn a bit about mothering but when I came back with Baby T new people I met said they’d already heard all about me! I didn’t think it was that interesting, but my seemingly unconventional behaviour seemed to cause quite a stir!

  13. TooManyHats | 17th Mar 10

    I’m the organized one. I am a friend’s personal fly lady. I have even been called perfect – this image quickly faded as I spit coffee out of my nose at the thought. I’m the freaky homeschooler. The list goes on I am sure.

  14. Nat | 17th Mar 10

    Maybe! “or “the english one who lived in australia but came back” which is always met with a face of utter confusion and “why?”

  15. Emily O | 16th Mar 10

    Meant to say complimentary I think…

  16. Emily O | 16th Mar 10

    At school I was the ‘skinny one’, not necessarily complementary. At the moment I think I’m definitely known as the overtired, disorganised mum with three children under five. Not as much as three under three I know! I like to think it’s the ‘gorgeous, witty, hilarious one’. But I can dream on there.

  17. Rosie Scribble | 16th Mar 10

    Ooh, they’d probably say ‘She’s a lot quieter in real life’, which would be very true.

  18. A Modern Mother | 16th Mar 10

    @nat surely it’s “that Australian woman”?

  19. Nat | 16th Mar 10

    I don’t know, you have me even more paranoid now!

  20. A Modern Mother | 16th Mar 10

    @susie with the foot in it? that’s me

  21. susie | 16th Mar 10

    I am probably the one with the big mouth.

  22. amy | 15th Mar 10

    I’d probably get:
    -that crazy women with 4kids under 5
    -the women whos always pregnant
    -that blogger from up north with all those children
    I hope i’d get:
    -that nice women who is really friendly
    -a good mummy blogger
    -a good friend
    I’m used to all the whispers and such but I am proud of me so they can say what they want 😀

  23. Metropolitan Mum | 15th Mar 10

    – The German woman (I am AUSTRIAN!!!)
    – The sophisticated one (I don’t do Cockney)
    – The arrogant one (I am just a bit dreamy at times, and it’s not that I don’t want to say hello when I bump into you on the street, but I am a regular on cloud #9)
    Oh, I could go on and on. Apart from people feeling the need to talk about me, there are always people who feel the even stronger need to tell me what’s been said. It did bother me when I was about 16. Today I just laugh and dream on 😉

  24. Claire (20Somethingmum) | 15th Mar 10

    Personally I don’t think I want to know, I can guess what some people say, but well, I think that will suffice!

  25. geekymummy | 15th Mar 10

    I’m the one who is always giving helpful/way to much information/sarastic responses (depending on your view point) to emails on our neighbourhood parenting yahoogroup.
    When I meet people in person at the playground I often get “Oh, you’re the one who wrote that spiel about vaccinations…carseats…daycare centers…etc.”
    And you lived in La Jolla? Oh, how divine!

  26. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @antonella I would actually like to move back to La Jolla but I don’t think it’s in the cards…
    @jennifer I would never have guesse you were Texan
    @Mwa but what would it be?

  27. Mwa | 15th Mar 10

    I don’t really want to know sometimes.

  28. Jennifer@alphamummy | 15th Mar 10

    I think I might be “that annoying Texan”. Or maybe that’s just what I think about myself.

  29. Antonella | 15th Mar 10

    PS. I’d like to highlight the fact that I like Britain and British people and apart from La Jolla, there is no other place I’d happier to than here!

  30. Antonella | 15th Mar 10

    Dera Susanna, I totally understand you. I was, am and will always be the crazy Italian round the corner, my crazy Italian neighbour etc. But I don’t care anymore. You know, the fact that I’m not British and even more I don’t really conform to the people around me makes me feel special and – so sorry to say that – a bit superior too! I cannot believe you lived in La Jolla, my favourite place on Earth!!!! Baci. A.

  31. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @expat it’s hard as an expat to shake the nationality thing, isn’t it?

  32. nuttycow | 15th Mar 10

    “Oh thank god” probably!
    I’ve just stumbled onto your blog. I may have a mosey round if that’s ok?

  33. Expat Mum | 15th Mar 10

    Apart from “the British woman” which I think we all get (when we’re not in the UK), I’m also the “one who had the baby when the other two were a lot older”. And in first grade (where Little Guy now is) I’m probably “the mom who’s about ten years older than all the others”.

  34. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @muddling I could wear that one too!

  35. Vic | 15th Mar 10

    I hate to think but I’d bet I wouldn’t be impressed. Just as well they’re not saying it to my face then!

  36. Muddlingalongmummy.blogspot.com | 15th Mar 10

    Hahaha yes I know that feeling that people have already heard about you – I’m trying not to mind being labelled in various ways but did at one point consider getting a tshirt printed with ‘yes they are close together, yes it was planned, yes we did try for several months too and yes it is none if your business’

  37. Brit In Bosnia | 15th Mar 10

    Dread to think what the Bosnians think of me – the weirdo who puts her children to bed at 7.30 is definitely something that they say. As for everyone else, haven’t a clue – the one who isn’t on twitter maybe? She who appears not to have brushed her hair and what is that smeared on the boys clothes? Who knows, but I think that it is a sign of growing up, I don’t really care so much any more.x

  38. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @kate at least it’s not “she looks like she just ate chocolate”
    @jennysnail that’s a positive way to view it!
    @hadriana oh, I can relate, I obsess about the Edwardians….

  39. Hadriana | 15th Mar 10

    …the mad one…who obsesses about Romans! (and on other subjects I dread to think!)… 🙂

  40. Jennysnail | 15th Mar 10

    at least it shows you’re interesting enough that people take notice of you!

  41. Kate: catherder | 15th Mar 10

    “she looks like she needs chocolate” would probably cover most situations i think….

  42. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @madhouse absolutely don’t worry about it, but I do find other people’s perceptions very interesting. Or my perception of other people’s perceptions!

  43. TheMadHouse | 15th Mar 10

    You know what this is one thing that I have stopped worrying about. I used to be so concerned what people whould say about me, but if they are gossiping about me, they are sparing someone else and that someone might be a lot thinner skinned than I am!!

  44. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @utterlyscary ah, some insight into your blog name perhaps? 😉

  45. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @josie Ok, now I have a nick name for you posh one, I would love to know behind the “won’t share food”

  46. Utterlyscrummy | 15th Mar 10

    I was a PTA Mum, now am a Governor Mum (Chair unfortunately), but am mostly known as the “always looks tired but says what she thinks Foreign Nurse Mum”. I am the only expat Kiwi at the kids school. The only other Kiwi family moved back in February as the husband got a fabulous job he could not turn down. There is one Aussie family but that’s it from down our way. I have a group of 4 mums and we are all great mates, and can tell each other we look like crap or come and clean each others houses without causing offence.
    I am always tired and I nearly always say what I think, although I tend to be much more diplomatic than I feel like being most of the time. I gave up the PTA as it was too much of a clique and 4 of us did all the work whilst the other 6 had coffe, moaned & took all the credit. I am now Chair of Governors and run ragged by this instead. I work part-time and have 3 girls at the school and I am sure people have lots to say about me both positive and negative but I am not bothered anymore. I have heard most of it and it is now water off a ducks.

  47. Josie @Sleep is for the Weak | 15th Mar 10

    Oh dear, my paranoia knows no bounds when it comes to this kind of thing. Rather weirdly I’m known as The Posh One in my neck of the woods (due to my lack of Brummy or Cannock or Stoke accent), but probably also The Anti-social Weird One Who Disappears for Weeks at a Time and Will Not Share Food.
    God only know what you lot of all think of me!

  48. A Modern Mother | 15th Mar 10

    @heather I think of you as the crazy one who lives in freezing temps… (on a great farm!)

  49. Heather | 15th Mar 10

    I dread to think! Around here no doubt I am known as That English Woman or The Foreign One. In the blogging world probably The One Who Gives Out Far Too Much Information.
    I think sometimes it’s best not to know.

Leave A Comment

I love comments! Tell me what you think or just say hello.

© 2022 Amodernmother.com. All rights reverved